That was me this past week. Not really, but in my head it was.
I know, shocking. Some of you might think I poop rainbows - I know I can be pretty motivational at times. But this past week, the motivator needed some motivating.
It kind of snuck up on me. Maybe it was the long lines at the stores, the honking of horns in the parking lots, the "what-do-you-mean-it's-out-of stock-it's-the-only-thing-he-asked-for" moments, the overall lack of Christmas cheer from one too many cashiers (I mean, seriously, you don't have a desk job, grow a personality!) Oops, there it was. My bah-humbug.
I started feeling sorry for myself. How I was taking so long to lose the weight I needed. I was stressed at work, feeling bad about a friend that betrayed me recently, thinking about how my Dad was sick this time of year and just overall in a funky funk.
I got a box of Ghiradelli chocolate squares from a neighbor. I got a one-pound bag of milk chocolate Wilbur Buds from a client. (temptation challenge - epic fail). And for those of you who don't know what a Wilbur Bud is...it's probably for the best. Ain't nothing healthy about that creamy, silky-smooth, melt in your mouth, sticks to your hips chocolate drop.
Wait...what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, backsliding. Pity parties.
So, I skipped a weekend of Zumba. I LOVE Zumba! But I was really busy, it was my husband's birthday, and there was a lot to do. And in the one-thing-leads-to-another mentality, I snuck a few chips (salt & vinegar, they are my diet Kryptonite. I know nothing should be forbidden, but I also can't set myself up by buying them!) I didn't plan - or log - my food. I waited until I was starving and then ate a lot until I was stuffed. I didn't even wear my Bodybugg, cuz what did THAT matter?
I know better.
When I felt pretty awful I reached out to some friends on the Biggest Loser site. I asked for a hug - and immediately got three. The best virtual, you can do it, atta girl affirmations in the world. Really encouraging words - "it's not a daily decision it's an hourly one"; "Noticing you are in a rut is the first part of doing something about it"; "with support of the lovely people you have befriended and with all the great knowledge you have been given - you WILL find your way back, and quickly. OR, at least, in my case - a heck of a lot faster than I would have before" - all so true. Then, my favorite - "You are so much more than ONE bad decision!" (so what if I made more than one, they were one at a time and this was totally appropriate, haha).
Peggy, Janice, Trista - thank you.
Here's the deal: I knew my Biggest Loser pals for all of 7 days. And not "whole" days either, cuz we were all split into groups. But we're on each other's Facebook page and have a little Facebook group and can share advice and compare notes on how we're doing at home. And someone told me that I have inspired them to make positive changes and they were inspired by me. And here I was bah-humbugging. Shame on me.
It was really brought home on Friday when I delivered the gifts to a family we "adopted" at work. On the list? Cereal, toilet paper, some toys for the kids, and jeans for the little boy for school. Because we had so many Team Members out sick, I went by myself. When I pulled into the lot, my first thought was "no one could live here" because it just looked so run down. When I pulled up to the trailer one of the recipients was outside and he was just so pleasant and smiling and took the bags with humble gratitude. His clothes were torn and his coat was too small and he really looked like he needed a good hot shower.
I was so ashamed. Here I am, and my biggest problem is that I've eaten too much and now have some weight to lose. And here was a family who didn't have enough anything, including food. I didn't even make it out of the trailer park when I pulled over and cried to God - first in thanks for what I have and then in forgiveness for taking it for granted and not realizing my blessings and focusing on things that really shouldn't have my focus. I could hardly drive, it was just so powerful. I marvel at how God puts us in certain places to give us just the perspective we need to get back on track. I was right where I needed to be at that moment. Poor me? Hardly!
I re-charged my Bodybugg, put it on, went to Zumba twice this week, planned out my meals and it feels GREAT. I even got a gift from my Zumba instructors - a month of free classes in January - because of how "dedicated" I have been! Wow. Dedicated? Yes, I guess I am. In spite of a few bad decisions, I know where I need to go. What a great boost to end my "party".
Yup, I backslid. Yup, I ate things I shouldn't have and wasn't kind to my body. My bad. I'm not "fixed" yet BUT I sure am different. I'm not going to allow my one bad decision to be an excuse to throw in the towel. The old me would have. The new me knows that I AM more than one or two bad decisions...I am human and imperfect and but I am also forgiven, and can start again any moment, when I choose to.
What happened yesterday doesn't matter. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23) and I will not take THIS day for granted. I'm not where I want to be...but thank God I'm not where I used to be, and the blinders are off. I know how blessed I am, and I know that I may not always make the right choice.
I've re-programmed my destination into my mental GPS, and I'm on my way!