Lost

You guys know my M.O. by now. Something happens, it sparks a breakthrough, and I blog about it. So here we go. (-: 


I have a pretty good sense of direction. I don't often get lost - especially with the navigation system I've had in my car for the last 2 years or so. I've relied on "tomtom" to get me pretty much everywhere I go. And I love it when he speaks French. 


Well, tomtom brokebroke so when I went to meet a friend for lunch last week, I printed out directions the old-fashioned way from Mapquest. That was pretty annoying but at least I still knew where I was going. We decided to "meet in the middle" and each had about a 45-minute drive to an unfamiliar town. 


Well, all was fine and good until the directions instructed me to turn left, and this told me otherwise: 

Normally, I would have just kept going, and tomtom would have planned an alternate route. I stared at the Mapquest paper which did not "recalculate" anything. I had to call the restaurant, and ask for directions. So annoying. 


The girl on the line was very nice. All three times I called her. 


I was lostlost. 


She had told me to turn left on a certain street, and I turned right. 6 miles down the road I figured that out. My frustration mounting, my belly growling, my gas tank light glowing, I turned around and started over. I have a joke that I am "always late but worth the wait" but on this occasion I was set to be early. Now I was 15 minutes late and was certainly NOT going to be worth the wait, because I was not a happy camper, and once I DID make it to my destination there was absolutely, positively no where to park. Ever have one of those days? My friend called to check on me and I told her I was ready to cry as I was circling the restaurant. She gave me a hint and then I finally found a spot. Completely annoyed, I sat down and ordered. 


For lunch, I had fish tacos with sweet potatoes. 


Wait, let me correct that. I had fried haddock in a taco with lettuce and sour cream and sweet potato fries. 


Ahem. 


Threw caution to the wind, I did. I didn't give a flying you know what and I ordered what I wanted without thinking of the consequence. The consequence came (doesn't it always?) and I left feeling bloated and miserable. 


I had the drive home to think about it all. Between calling myself names for ordering unhealthy food, I really thought about it. And it came to me, that without a GPS there's a great chance for me to get lost, and I need to get one ASAP. 


It also came to me that in life, I need a GPS to guide me, because I can get easily lost on a GOOD day, never mind the lunch date day. (and don't get me wrong, I am not crying 'poor me' because I know how lucky and blessed I am. But this was an "aha!" moment for me) 


How many times in life did I think I was going the right way, only to find a "road closed" sign with no clue where to go next? Don't make me count. I have relied on tomtom without having a back up plan, and I've done the same in my life. "Nope, I got this, I'm good" - that's me! - when I am really, truly 'lost' on the inside but too busy taking care of someone else or worrying what someone is going to think of me...it's really no good when you don't know where you're going. Without a destination, you drive around in circles, right? And the bloated, miserable feeling I was feeling let me know that my destination was not the town of Healthy Me. And I needed to get me some direction. 


The past few weeks have been trying. But I can see now, that they have been a necessary part of me finding that direction. I have overcome a huge challenge to my character, stayed steadfast in my beliefs and was able to "be still" - not an easy task for me - when things got chaotic. It strained some relationships in my life and I had trouble seeing the 'good' that would come out of it all. But I am seeing a glimpse of it this week. I am finally moving forward again - Destination, town of Healthy Me! - and it feels good. I'm counting Weight Watchers Points again to give me direction in my food choices, and have recharged my Bodybugg to keep me accountable to the numbers. As for my life GPS? 

It has all the instructions and direction I need. I just need to put them in my heart and remember them, and seek them when I feel lost. Here are some lyrics from one of my newest most favorite songs, by Nathan Tasker: 

Love is the compass
it’ll show you what is right what is wrong, it’ll turn the light on
Love is the compass it will lead you Home, it will lead you Home

Love. It's the best compass of all. And I need to love myself and remember how beloved I am. I am worth it, even though I haven't always thought I was. I went for a run today, I made healthy food choices three days in a row. I am falling down and getting up (and repeating) but at least I am always getting back up. I am not making perfect choices every day, but I am being perfectly honest about them and moving on in the proper direction. 


It's time for me-me. And it's on-on. 

Don't get "Lost" - ask for directions!! (-: