Well, I CAN lose it. But until recently, I certainly wasn't decorating it. And I didn't even WANT to decorate it until I lost it. Follow?
In the rut that I was (see previous posts) I was just "blah" - and I couldn't find anything in my closet that fit. Why is that? Well, partially because I gained a few pounds, but more importantly, it was because all the clothes I've been buying lately have been for the Future Me. The one who's a single-digit size and wears stylish clothes. Oh, come to think of it, that was the Past Me too. This "Now" Me wasn't worthy of nice clothes now. I guess it was a form of punishment to myself?
I would go in the dressing room and try something on. It fit. But I didn't want to be that size forever, so I thought "Let's just see how tight the next size down is." So I'd try it on, it was snug, and I'd say to myself "5 or 10 pounds and it'll fit!" and I'd buy THAT one, thinking it would motivate me to lose the weight so it would fit me. And it still hangs in my closet.
Did you know clothes can get dusty if you don't wear 'em? Hmmph.
Well. I have a lot of nice clothes in my closet with tags on them that don't fit. And my "now" clothes have been consisting of two pairs of black pants and a few Hampton polo shirts, which I'd wear with sneakers (hair in a ponytail and minimal makeup). It was the "I just don't care" all over again.
The turning point for me (I have a lot of them these days!) was a recent trip to a sporting goods store. I had a coupon - $10 off $50 - and was going to buy my son a pair of basketball shoes.
I got the coupon off the Internet. I had actually used this same coupon before, at the same store. Several times. So I get to the register, and my cashier asks the next cashier, "Are there any restrictions on this coupon?" and waves my coupon at her.
Serious drama ensues.
The other cashier comes over and says, "That's a fake" and looks right at me. I said "I've used it here before..." but stopped when I caught her icy (accusing?) stare - she goes to her register, produces a small cardboard-like coupon (looked just like mine!) and said "Someone scanned this on the Internet, it's not real, this is what the real one looks like, and you can't use that one." I was really embarrassed. There was a line of people behind me. So, I didn't know if I wanted the shoes now. But they were the last size 9 so I bought them anyway. But I also wanted to know why they took my coupon before. So I asked that question. And the manager was paged.
Here comes "Bob", with a ready speech. "Corporate won't let us put a sign on the door saying they're illegal, usually we honor it if it's your first time, we are not saying you did this on purpose"...blah blah blah. SO I told him it was the first time I KNEW about it, and that I felt the cashier treated me rudely in front of everyone, cuz all I did was hit the print button. He started to walk away from me and I said "I really don't feel this is good service" and he mumbles "OK I'll take care of it" but everyone was looking at me really weird.
When I got to my car, I figured out why.
I was wearing a pair of really cute Dansko clogs. They're a reddish color and oh-so-comfortable. But they didn't really go with my workout pants and aqua colored jacket from the Turtle Sanctuary in Juno Beach FL, which, combined with my greasy hair (in a ponytail of course) no makeup and a zit on my chin that I didn't have time to cover up, made me look like an absolute lunatic. An illegal coupon printing lunatic, perhaps. And here I was, trying to get respect as a customer? Ha!
|I know you were curious about the cute shoes. Here they are.|
I just kind of laughed at myself and the situation. It's a fact of life - people will judge you by the way you present yourself - and so what. But the result of me treating myself badly was other people treating me badly. And that's not OK.
I can make an effort to FAKE IT til I MAKE IT to the Me I Wanna Be. That's the day I went out and started buying me some decorations. So that the next time I printed out a fake coupon by accident, I might get a little sympathy. That, and I wanted to feel better about myself, of course.
I went out and bought myself some clothes. In my size. My Now Size. Ooooh, that was hard (but I had a coupon off the Internet so I saved some money. Yeah, that one was legit.)
Just a few sweaters, and some new shoes (on clearance at Marshall's!) I was sooo tempted to buy a smaller size sweater or pants, but I forced myself to get the ones that fit now. Right now. I even threw on a sparkly necklace with my new sweater. I blew out my hair instead of letting the vents in the car dry it enough to twirl it into a ponytail, and I used two coats of mascara and used eyeliner AND shadow.
Everyone noticed. (except for my husband and son - they suffer from near sightedness - can't see what's in front of 'em, haha) People started saying I looked nice. And all of a sudden I felt like I looked nice. And I wanted to keep looking nice. SO the next day I went all wild & crazy and threw on a huge turquoise ring.
God bless accessories, and the power they have to make you feel "put together." I want to keep feeling put together until I actually get it together. Amazing what a little confidence boost can do.
Take that, Dick's! (um, that's the name of the aforementioned sporting goods store. For real.)
Did you ever get the email that says something like "Don't save the good china for a special occasion - today is a special occasion!"? That's how I feel about my decorations...er, clothes. I'm not saving the good ones for later (although I do already have good ones for later). So many places have clearance sales, I can get some reasonably priced clothing in my size NOW and, when they are no longer my now size, I can bless someone with them. Someone who needs decorations just like I did. For their now.
So, next time I'm out, I may do something totally reckless and put on one of these:
I will lose it. I will. But in the meantime....I'm-a decoratin' it. (-: