By Bread Alone...

It's 10:30 p.m., and I am going to bed hungry tonight. 

Now, before you go and feel all sorry for me, let me say that I am doing this on purpose. 

When I was at the BL Resort, I went to bed hungry too. Except there, it was easier, because there was no food in my room to eat. I had my meals and snacks and then it was lights out, no access to the dining hall. Here, at home, I've got a kitchen, and it's kind of hard to lock it down. 

Don't get me wrong - I ate plenty of food at the Biggest Loser Resort - just what I was supposed to. And by the time I left, my night-time eating habit had been broken. My body no longer was "used to" the night time eating I did (all the way up til my head hit the pillow - and, sadly, sometimes after that!) 

Well, I'm home, and old habits...yeah, you know how they die.


I've been dancing. I think many of you know the steps. It goes like this: you take one step forward, and two steps back. If it was a video game, I'd be playing at expert level.


I have reasons. Call them excuses if you will (cuz that's what they really are). Busy, stress, life.  I went back to my "old ways." Not all at once, but in chunks, and enough to thwart my progress.

My husband asked me a question the other night. "So, did you give up on your blog?" I almost got a little defensive (ladies, you know it, you would hear "So, did you give up on your diet?" too...) but really, when I thought about it, I guess I gave up on me. Again. Darn, I hate it when I do that! And it's embarrassing. What the heck would I have blogged about? Titles like "My fat jeans don't fit" aren't exactly uplifting and motivating.


I've been going to bed feeling miserable the past few weeks. I have been "grazing" all night after dinner and just feeling stuffed and bloated and yucky as I lay there in bed. As an acid reflux sufferer, I was literally hurting myself. Sometimes it wasn't even bad food, just lots of healthy food, if that even makes sense. A yogurt, some almonds, a string cheese, a Vitatop, some dark chocolate...um, yeah, all this after dinner. Um, cue the intervention! This one - divine.

I thought of a sign I'm sure you've seen before:

I love that. It's OK that I went in the wrong direction. I can forgive myself and start now, again. So I did. Went back to Zumba (my happy place) yesterday and started on a healthy eating plan. Me and my sister in law are texting each other every time we eat something. Accountability and buddy system all in one. Got back to the gym to strength train tonight. Ate what I was supposed to, all within my calorie goal, and now? I am thinking of a scripture as my tummy growls at me for not feeding it a midnight snack. Luke 4:4

And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, that man shall not live by bread alone,

but by every word of God.

I can do this (and all things through Him that strengthens me!) There is no shame in trying and failing...do you know how many lessons I've learned that way? Lots! So here's one more. A friend said to me today "I know you can do it cuz I know you know you're worth it!" Thanks, Megan. You're right - I do know I'm worth it. And where before, the negative self talk would have taken over and kept me quiet and defeated, I am ready to get back up and give it a go. 


When I go to bed hungry, I know it's because I'm making a sacrifice. I am not going to feel sorry for myself for a temporary state of being as I change my body's habits - and actually, it's a much better feeling than before, because I know I am making choices that are good for me. I'm not crazy, I am just not perfect, but I'm in charge of what me I can be, and I'm gonna make it a good me. Cuz I'm worth it.


And that's what I call a You-Turn.