I have been reflecting a lot lately (appropriate that today is Memorial Day, a time of true reflection). I've been thinking about my journey this far.
I went to Malibu thinking I was going to change my life. It was going to be the kick-start I needed to finally achieve a healthy weight once and for all. That's it, no more fooling around, time to change my life.
Well, change my life it did. However, I am not a size 6 yet. As a matter of fact, I weigh a little bit more than when I went. And I kind of weigh a little bit more than when I came back.
OK. Not kind of. I do. I do weigh more than when I got back. And that fact has at times left me discouraged, defeated, and thinking that nothing would ever change. That the roller-coaster was my ride, and I might as well just hang on and scream.
But I've also had some really, really good moments. Brief glimpses of how committed I could be, how inspired (and inspiring!) I could be. Moments of greatness. True commitment, and unstoppable willpower.
On Tuesday night after everyone went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I decided to catch up on my finales. Biggest Loser being one of them.
Let me just tell you, I had gotten a little behind on my episodes. I didn't even know who was going to be in the finale. And although I witnessed the transformations of the past seasons, this season was special, because I was at the Biggest Loser Resort in Malibu while this season was being taped, and I met and had a workout with some of the contestants.
First, Sarah. Unrecognizable and, as one of my BL buddies remarked, "stunningly beautiful" (hi Peggy!) - I couldn't stop looking at her! Wow!
Then the sisters, Hannah and Olivia. Oh my, these 3 ladies literally had my jaw dropped open, and I was crying, and I was thinking how they transformed themselves during this same time period while I was rollercoasting. There was proof that with hard work, results could be achieved.
I guess the feeling that welled up inside me can best be described as resolve. It was strong, and powerful, and took me over. Right then and there, I started over with my healthy eating plan. (Granted, it was midnight. So I started in my mind only. But you gotta start somewhere).
I don't want to be known as someone who is angry all the time because I am unhappy with myself. I want to be known as someone who finds joy and shares it. I'm working on it.
I realized that I have been transformed since my time in Malibu. Except my transformation has taken place on the inside. I learned so much there and in the time since, and had incredible experiences on the mountains of Malibu, and made some pretty neat connections with some pretty neat people.
There is no shame in starting over. I am sure at least someone reading this has done it one or ten times. It's not how you start, it's how you finish. And for today, I am committed. I have made good choices since Tuesday, and have worked in exercise every day.
I've started to read the book "Made to Crave", and I feel like I have found the missing link - the "Aha!" moment on my journey. Too much importance has been given to the power food has over me. And too little importance has been given to the power that God has over me. I am really looking forward to finishing this book (they also have a free daily devotional that you can get emailed - check it out!)
My physical transformation? It's coming. And once I have my "after" picture, I'll post my "before." (-: God started my transformation from the inside out. And I know He knows what He's doing.
Philippians 1:6 says "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion."
|I am really, really looking forward to that.|