Foreign language fascinates me; having the ability to say something so that others understand is a really cool connection, and one that I'm able to use in my line of work in hotels. I also know that some things can get lost in translation. The word "the" doesn't even exist in the Croatian language and if I would tell someone in French that 'I'm so hungry I could eat a horse' it would sound really weird.
Today, we had a goodbye party for a Team Leader at work. His favorite is pepperoni pizza, so I ordered plenty of that along with ice cream cupcakes from Dairy Queen. My favorite.
One of my Team Members walked up to me and started saying something in Spanish. I am not fluent but can communicate, but the word "gorda" was unfamiliar.
So she says in her best attempt at English, "You fet" and gestures with her hands making a round shape around her body, and then says something about my "dieta" which I did not need a translator for.
I mumbled something like "I know" and laughed but oh man, that stung. And I know her heart and I know she didn't mean to be mean but it's not exactly something you say to your boss, right? And nothing can be lost in translation with a game of fat charades, either.
On the way home my son heard me talking to my friend about it and he said "Mom, use it as a positive to get motivated."
Yup, that's my boy. (-:
So, I went to the gym as soon as I got home, and I started my Couch to 5K program (I downloaded the app about 2 weeks ago with very good intentions). I ran when it said Run - only 60 seconds at a time, alternating with 90 seconds of walking, for a total of 20 minutes. I huffed and I puffed and my knee hurt and I was all sweaty but at least I was DOING it and I finished. And it felt great! (why don't I remember that?)
So, Maria, you will never read this blog but I am sure in some way God used you as a messenger to send me a very direct and blunt message. And hurt as it may have, it did get me moving. (I'm still going to sit her down and ask her to censor such comments in the future. But I only had one slice of pizza when I wanted two so I am not (too) mad at her.)
Earlier this week I also spoke with my therapist about how "unglued" I was feeling and how it greatly affected my eating habits. I told her about my 14 hour days and not packing my lunch and grabbing something on the go and eating too much chocolate and sleeping only 4 hours a night (probably because the chocolate kept me awake). She made a comment that was, again, rather blunt and startling.
She said, "If you were parenting your child the way you are parenting yourself, I would call child services on you."
Well, I guess if I were making my child work for 14 hours without a break and feeding him chocolate bars when he was hungry and not taking care of him the right way or letting him sleep enough...ok, I can see that. I get it.
That thought combined with today's new word, "gorda", got me to pay attention to what was going on outside the little stress bubble I've been in. It got me looking at myself the way others see me, and got me thinking of how I want to change that. I want to take good care of myself. I'm Someone's precious child, and it's so easy to forget the magnitude of that. I am fearfully and wonderfully made...my body is a temple...and there are good plans for my future. Not much gets lost in translation in the Bible.
Sometimes, sugar coated words don't work. They may actually give you a false sense that things are OK the way they are. No one said to me "No, you're not fat!" when I recounted my story today. They were offended for me, and shocked about the comment, but it is what it is, and I can't pretend it's not. I remember when, 30 pounds ago, I complained about my weight, and friends & family would say "You're crazy, you're fine just the way you are." Well, it's kind of quiet when I talk about my weight now. Cuz no one wants to hurt my feelings by giving it to me straight.
Except for Maria, haha.
I am not "parenting" myself well at all, thank you very much, and that's also a perspective I needed to wake up and smell the coffee. Or a nonfat latte.
The quote that came up on the Couch to 5K app's page for Day One was just what I needed. I love when that happens!
"Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do."Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Yup, that's me. I sure do know a lot. And I've been willing. But the applying and doing parts were taking longer than they should have. I start things and I don't finish. I mean well, and get sidetracked or fed up. Anyone else?
I had to look at those words the whole time my little feet were jogging, because I realize I need constant reminders of what I want. I need to create a healthy environment for myself mentally and physically and most of all spiritually. Because I want this more than anything and I thank God for giving me some very direct signs that I wasn't doing anything to get me to where I want to be. But He let me start again today, and His mercies will be new again tomorrow!
|There IS a finish line waiting. And I'll get there!|