It flies other times too. Like at work, when I'm so busy and it's 3pm and all of a sudden I realize I haven't eaten lunch yet. And in life in general, when "all of a sudden" I'm a 40-year old mother of a teenager who is taller than me and about to start high school. Yikes.
I'll tell you when it doesn't fly.
When I'm running.
I am painfully aware of how many seconds there are until my phone vibrates and that really cute guy says, "Walk." (OK I have no idea what he looks like, but it's nice to imagine he's cute, that way I won't get mad when he says "Run" again.)
Don't get me wrong; I loooove running. I do believe I have found me a new (healthy!) habit. But it kind of only feels good at the end when I can say "I did it!". Because at this point when everything is new, it's still kind of hard. Hard not to think about how my knee hurts and how I can't breathe.
Time goes really, really slow when you're doing something you don't want to do, or doing something that is hard. That takes work. Even if it's good for you.
There is a phrase I used to tell myself many years ago (because my dieting days go back to age 12). It's "The time is going to pass anyway; might as well be doing something good for yourself." Maybe I heard that from somewhere. Anyway, I would get so frustrated that it was taking SO LONG to lose weight. And that's when I would pull out that line. What the heck else was I gonna do with the time? Get fatter? No thanks. It didn't go on overnight, right? So it's not gonna come off overnight...RIGHT? (-: Somehow when it was coming ON I wasn't worried about the time. Hmmmmm.
So, here I am, up to 90 seconds of jogging at a time, and those darn seconds sure are long! (The absurdity of that comment does not escape me). But I keep telling myself that I can do ANYTHING for 90 seconds. Just like I told myself last week, except that was 60 seconds. And what else would I be doing with those seconds? I went to Zumba today (yay!) and I loved every second of it. It was tough and I was sweaty and I kept looking at the clock to see when it was over. But I realized if I wasn't at Zumba I'd probably be sleeping in and I surely would not have burned 600 calories or racked up over 5,000 steps in my sleep! And when I left...well, I was a warrior.
So yeah, the time will pass anyway. And here I am at 9:30 p.m. and I am proud of the way I chose to spend my time today. And this past week, my Week 1 of a new journey again.
Last Friday, my "Day 1" when "righteous anger" caused me to finally use the Couch to 5K app that I bought, I had an epiphany. While I was getting ready for bed, and thinking how HARD this was going to be (again), a thought came to mind. "Don't step on the scale for 2 weeks." Those of you who know me know I am not crazy and I do not hear voices. This was just kind of a thought that popped into my head, and not one that I would choose on my own, so I really knew it was God leading my heart.
I am somewhat of a scale addict. And by somewhat I mean I am seriously addicted. Every morning and night, I would weigh myself. And the number would determine my entire outlook on life. That is not me being dramatic. I would let it affect my everything. There was a point in my life, my "thin" time, when I would actually pack my scale when I went on vacation! Ah! Who was that girl?
Anyway I still had a bit of a problem. And by a bit, I mean big. And so when I had this thought, I wanted to fight it, but instead I went with it and actually committed right then in my heart, to God, that I would let Him lead me. I did that when I gave up my most favorite thing for Lent - Starbucks. And a promise to God is the biggest pinky swear EVER and it scares me to think of breaking it. Not because I don't think He is merciful and forgiving; I know He is. But because He is GOD for crying out loud and when He leads me to do something I want to try and do it.
So the scale is in my bathroom, and it's gathering a bit of dust. And I have not stepped on it in 8 days. A new record! And guess what? I am more focused on ME and my CHOICES, which I am in control of. If I had seen a "bad" number it may have led me to think "What the heck am I trying so hard for?" and led me back to my coconut clustered ways.
I'm not saying that will work for everyone. But it's working for me. And next Friday I'll weight myself and see what my hard work has done for me.
I know someone who thinks "the day and time I am going to die is pre-determined; nothing I do is going to change that" and they use that as an excuse to eat bad things and not exercise and not make an effort to be healthy. (and if you are reading this, I love you dearly). Do I believe that? Well, the first part, yes. I do believe our "time" is already determined. But I also believe John 10:10:
...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Yup, someday I am going to die. It's the one thing I have in common with everyone I have and haven't met. But I also know that God wants us to have a full life; a rich life; an abundant life - and I want to make good use of the time I have by treating my body well. Because when I do, I am a better person not only to myself but to those around me. I am not as cranky (read: I still can be cranky. Just not as often and not over stupid things) I want to live and not feel sorry for myself for something I DID to myself and have complete power to change. I'm lucky to have a problem I can change. Blessed, even. I saw a woman crossing the street in a motorized wheelchair that she operated with her mouth and I counted that blessing over and over again.
Time is passing, and I do not want to look back with any "what ifs" on this time in my life. I want to take charge now while the gift of time is still mine. I want to have an abundant life and being overweight and not liking myself is not part of that plan. I have been sooo busy these past few weeks and did not make good use of my time. I worked too long, I didn't take time to make a meal plan, I lost touch with friends. Thank goodness for "do-overs". (-;
As a birthday gift, I gave my sister in law (and me) a registration to the Disney 5K run in January. Completing a 5K is on both of our bucket lists and we both started the Couch to 5K app together. So there, I am committed. And it's something to look forward to. And it will be here before I know it, since this time is flying by.
For those of you thinking you don't have the time to lose weight or exercise, think about it. The time is going to pass anyway. So what is the alternative? Do nothing? Guess what, it will still be "tomorrow" tomorrow so make your choices.
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| I choose to run. |
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