Perhaps my lonesome feeling was brought on by a contest I entered, into which I thought I could surely make it to the "finals" with the amount of people I know, and the many connections I have in my field. I shouted it from the rooftops. I thought I was in.
Well, when the rankings came out I was #46. Then I dropped to #50. Only the Top 30 make it to the finals, so I was crushed.
I got my feelings hurt, as I often do, when I feel like people don't "like" me. And I know that is a very silly thing to say, because there are plenty off people that like me, for crying out loud. But I was having a pity party and what you do at a party like that is feel pitiful. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
Then, a statement from my husband when he saw that I started to cry about not getting more votes and potentially not even being considered to win: "Maybe God has something else planned for you, something better. Maybe He knew someone else needed this more than you."
He also said something about losing weight being "easy" but I won't highlight THAT one. Ahem.
So, I had to stop and think. Yes, I am the girl who says "If it's meant to be, it will be". This is NOT the only chance I will get to be able to win the battle I am fighting - I don't have to wait to win a contest to be successful (but man oh man, this one would have really, really helped me). I can't rely on others to determine my fate. I can't allow others' actions to turn me to making bad choices that affect my health. Talk about a hard habit to break! But I simply will not give up trying.
At times like this, when I am most lonesome, I realize that it is then that I am the least alone I have ever been. Because the one person that never, ever leaves me for forgets about me is who I need to lean on.
Peter 5:7 says: Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
It's my son's favorite verse, and one that came to me this week when I was feeling all lonesome and what-not. I was keeping all the anxiety for myself and finding it a heavy load to bear. This is such a simple verse, but oh-so-powerful. I don't have to have the poor-me's. I have someone who loves me more than anything, and when I feel I am let down, He lifts me up. But I need to remember that, and keep my focus while still trying to live an abundant life. That is such a difficult thing for me to balance. Yes, I will still have pathetic moments when those around me lead lives that make me feel lonely. But I don't have to go it alone.
I entered another contest today - I guess one of my gifts is tenacity (-: If it's meant to be, it will be. And if it doesn't happen, that means there's a better plan for me. I'm never alone, even during the times I feel like I am...even during the times I think I see only one set of footprints. I need to remember....
|"It was then that I carried you."|